Sheryl Sandberg: Why we have too few women leaders

So for any of us in this room today, let's start out by admitting we're lucky. We don't live in the world our mothers lived in, our grandmothers lived in, where career choices for women were so limited. And if you're in this room today, most of us grew up in a world where we had basic civil rights, and amazingly, we still live in a world where some women don't have them. But that entire aside, we still have a problem, and it's a real problem. And the problem is this: Women are not making it to the top of any profession anywhere in the world. The numbers tell the story quite clearly. 190 heads of state -- nine are women. Of all the people in parliament in the world, 13 percent are women. In the corporate sector, women at the top, C-level jobs, board seats -- tops out at 15, 16 percent. The numbers have not moved since 2002 and are going in the wrong direction. And even in the non-profit world, a world we sometimes think of as being led by more women, women at the top: 20 percent.

We also have another problem, which is that women face harder choices between professional success and personal fulfillment. A recent study in the U.S. showed that, of married senior managers, two-thirds of the married men had children and only one-third of the married women had children. A couple of years ago, I was in New York, and I was pitching a deal, and I was in one of those fancy New York private equity offices you can picture. And I'm in the meeting -- it's about a three-hour meeting -- and two hours in, there kind of needs to be that bio break, and everyone stands up, and the partner running the meeting starts looking really embarrassed. And I realized he doesn't know where the women's room is in his office. So I start looking around for moving boxes, figuring they just moved in, but I don't see any. And so I said, "Did you just move into this office?" And he said, "No, we've been here about a year." And I said, "Are you telling me that I am the only woman to have pitched a deal in this office in a year?" And he looked at me, and he said, "Yeah. Or maybe you're the only one who had to go to the bathroom."

 (Laughter)

So the question is, how are we going to fix this? How do we change these numbers at the top? How do we make this different? I want to start out by saying, I talk about this -- about keeping women in the workforce -- because I really think that's the answer. In the high-income part of our workforce, in the people who end up at the top -- Fortune 500 CEO jobs, or the equivalent in other industries -- the problem, I am convinced, is that women are dropping out. Now people talk about this a lot, and they talk about things like flextime and mentoring and programs companies should have to train women. I want to talk about none of that today, even though that's all really important. Today I want to focus on what we can do as individuals. What are the messages we need to tell ourselves? What are the messages we tell the women who work with and for us? What are the messages we tell our daughters?

Now, at the outset, I want to be very clear that this speech comes with no judgments. I don't have the right answer. I don't even have it for myself. I left San Francisco, where I live, on Monday, and I was getting on the plane for this conference. And my daughter, who's three, when I dropped her off at preschool, did that whole hugging-the-leg, crying, "Mommy, don't get on the plane" thing. This is hard. I feel guilty sometimes. I know no women, whether they're at home or whether they're in the workforce, who doesn’t feel that sometimes. So I'm not saying that staying in the workforce is the right thing for everyone.

My talk today is about what the messages are if you do want to stay in the workforce, and I think there are three. 

1.      Sit at the table.

2.      Make your partner a real partner.

3.      Don't leave before you leave.

Sit at the table. 

Just a couple weeks ago at Facebook, we hosted a very senior government official, and he came in to meet with senior execs from around Silicon Valley. And everyone kind of sat at the table. And then he had these two women who were traveling with him who were pretty senior in his department, and I kind of said to them, "Sit at the table. Come on, sit at the table," and they sat on the side of the room. When I was in college my senior year, I took a course called European Intellectual History. Don't you love that kind of thing from college? I wish I could do that now. And I took it with my roommate, Carrie, who was then a brilliant literary student -- and went on to be a brilliant literary scholar -- and my brother -- smart guy, but a water-polo-playing pre-med, who was a sophomore.

The three of us take this class together. And then Carrie reads all the books in the original Greek and Latin, goes to all the lectures. I read all the books in English and go to most of the lectures. My brother is kind of busy. He reads one book of 12 and goes to a couple of lectures, marches himself up to our room a couple days before the exam to get himself tutored. The three of us go to the exam together, and we sit down. And we sit there for three hours -- and our little blue notebooks -- yes, I'm that old. And we walk out, and we look at each other, and we say, "How did you do?" And Carrie says, "Boy, I feel like I didn't really draw out the main point on the Hegelian dialectic." And I say, "God, I really wish I had really connected John Locke's theory of property with the philosophers who follow." And my brother says, "I got the top grade in the class." "You got the top grade in the class? You don't know anything."

The problem with these stories is that they show what the data shows: women systematically underestimate their own abilities. If you test men and women, and you ask them questions on totally objective criteria like GPAs, men get it wrong slightly high, and women get it wrong slightly low. Women do not negotiate for themselves in the workforce. A study in the last two years of people entering the workforce out of college showed that 57 percent of boys entering, or men, I guess, are negotiating their first salary, and only seven percent of women. And most importantly, men attribute their success to themselves, and women attribute it to other external factors. If you ask men why they did a good job, they'll say, "I'm awesome. Obviously. Why are you even asking?" If you ask women why they did a good job, what they'll say is someone helped them, they got lucky, and they worked really hard. Why does this matter? Boy, it matters a lot because no one gets to the corner office by sitting on the side, not at the table, and no one gets the promotion if they don't think they deserve their success, or they don't even understand their own success.

I wish the answer were easy. I wish I could just go tell all the young women I work for, all these fabulous women, "Believe in yourself and negotiate for yourself. Own your own success." I wish I could tell that to my daughter. But it's not that simple. Because what the data shows, above all else, is one thing, which is that success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. And everyone's nodding, because we all know this to be true.

There's a really good study that shows this really well. There's a famous Harvard Business School study on a woman named Heidi Roizen. And she's an operator in a company in Silicon Valley, and she uses her contacts to become a very successful venture capitalist. In 2002 -- not so long ago -- a professor who was then at Columbia University took that case and made it Howard Roizen. And he gave the case out, both of them, to two groups of students. He changed exactly one word: "Heidi" to "Howard." But that one word made a really big difference. He then surveyed the students, and the good news was the students, both men and women, thought Heidi and Howard were equally competent, and that's good. The bad news was that everyone liked Howard. He's a great guy. You want to work for him. You want to spend the day fishing with him. But Heidi? Not so sure. She's a little out for herself. She's a little political.You're not sure you'd want to work for her. This is the complication. We have to tell our daughters and our colleagues, we have to tell ourselves to believe we got the A, to reach for the promotion, to sit at the table, and we have to do it in a world where, for them, there are sacrifices they will make for that, even though for their brothers, there are not.

The saddest thing about all of this is that it's really hard to remember this. And I'm about to tell a story which is truly embarrassing for me, but I think important. I gave this talk at Facebook not so long ago to about 100 employees, and a couple hours later, there was a young woman who works there sitting outside my little desk, and she wanted to talk to me. I said, okay, and she sat down, and we talked. And she said, "I learned something today. I learned that I need to keep my hand up." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, you're giving this talk, and you said you were going to take two more questions. And I had my hand up with lots of other people, and you took two more questions. And I put my hand down, and I noticed all the women put their hand down, and then you took more questions, only from the men." And I thought to myself, wow, if it's me -- who cares about this, obviously -- giving this talk -- and during this talk, I can't even notice that the men's hands are still raised, and the women's hands are still raised, how good are we as managers of our companies and our organizations at seeing that the men are reaching for opportunities more than women? We've got to get women to sit at the table.

Make your partner a real partner.

 I've become convinced that we've made more progress in the workforce than we have in the home. The data shows this very clearly. If a woman and a man work full-time and have a child, the woman does twice the amount of housework the man does, and the woman does three times the amount of childcare the man does. So she's got three jobs or two jobs, and he's got one. Who do you think drops out when someone needs to be home more? The causes of this are really complicated, and I don't have time to go into them. And I don't think Sunday football-watching and general laziness is the cause.

I think the cause is more complicated. I think, as a society, we put more pressure on our boys to succeed than we do on our girls. I know men that stay home and work in the home to support wives with careers, and it's hard. When I go to the Mommy-and-Me stuff and I see the father there, I notice that the other mommies don't play with him. And that's a problem, because we have to make it as important a job, because it's the hardest job in the world to work inside the home, for people of both genders, if we're going to even things out and let women stay in the workforce. (Applause) Studies show that households with equal earning and equal responsibility also have half the divorce rate. And if that wasn't good enough motivation for everyone out there, they also have more -- how shall I say this on this stage? --they know each other more in the biblical sense as well.

Don't leave before you leave.

I think there's a really deep irony to the fact that actions women are taking -- and I see this all the time -- with the objective of staying in the work force actually lead to their eventually leaving. Here's what happens: We're all busy. Everyone's busy. A woman's busy. And she starts thinking about having a child, and from the moment she starts thinking about having a child, she starts thinking about making room for that child. "How am I going to fit this into everything else I'm doing?" And literally from that moment, she doesn't raise her hand anymore, she doesn't look for a promotion, she doesn't take on the new project, she doesn't say, "Me. I want to do that." She starts leaning back. The problem is that -- let's say she got pregnant that day, that day -- nine months of pregnancy, three months of maternity leave, six months to catch your breath -- fast-forward two years, more often -- and as I've seen it -- women start thinking about this way earlier -- when they get engaged, when they get married, when they start thinking about trying to have a child, which can take a long time. One woman came to see me about this, and I kind of looked at her -- she looked a little young. And I said, "So are you and your husband thinking about having a baby?" And she said, "Oh no, I'm not married." She didn't even have a boyfriend. I said, "You're thinking about this just way too early."

But the point is that what happens once you start kind of quietly leaning back? Everyone who's been through this -- and I'm here to tell you, once you have a child at home, your job better be really good to go back, because it's hard to leave that kid at home -- your job needs to be challenging. It needs to be rewarding. You need to feel like you're making a difference. And if two years ago you didn't take a promotion and some guy next to you did, if three years ago you stopped looking for new opportunities, you’re going to be bored because you should have kept your foot on the gas pedal. Don't leave before you leave. Stay in. Keep your foot on the gas pedal, until the very day you need to leave to take a break for a child -- and then make your decisions. Don't make decisions too far in advance, particularly ones you're not even conscious you're making.

My generation really, sadly, is not going to change the numbers at the top. They're just not moving. We are not going to get to where 50 percent of the population -- in my generation, there will not be 50 percent of [women] at the top of any industry. But I'm hopeful that future generations can. I think a world that was run where half of our countries and half of our companies were run by women, would be a better world. And it's not just because people would know where the women's bathrooms are, even though that would be very helpful. I think it would be a better world. I have two children. I have a five-year-old son and a two-year-old daughter. I want my son to have a choice to contribute fully in the workforce or at home, and I want my daughter to have the choice to not just succeed, but to be liked for her accomplishments.

Thanks

Watch video at -

 http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders?language=en

Finding Myself

Wiping off that single salty drop from my cheek I looked at the endless blue that spread upon my head. In seconds I realize that its too far and may be an illusion. So I dropped my head again to finish the last paragraph from the chapter. Hilarious it is, how a book can be written so well that when you read it you enter in its world. Feel the wounds of the character, in fact in some cases you imagine yourself as the main character.

I fear of finding myself in these stories. I fear that what if I find an incidence, a situation which just fits me and ends in different way than mine. The fear is not alone that fills me. Its along with the secret happiness that somewhere in this world someone feels the same, undergoes the same. 

However I thought this book would be different, which I can read without anticipating myself into it. "MANAN" - The story about a guy who suffers through puberty dilemmas and as the book says how "The world around him refuses to understand the magnitude of the moment." Bleh.. God its about a boy..how I can relate myself to it !! phew!! 

But after reading few pages the feminist inside me said..this book is so idiotic. Exaggerating so much what a guy goes through. Its so one sided. Girls are so ignored. But just then I gave an explanation to my other side that..dudette!!! Its about a boy "manan". So I went on. Few sections totally take me and made me wonder poor guy and that poor strand of hair on his balls, which if given a chance will find a way out of his underpants and pants. I so felt pity for his voice which sounded like a girl. Man.. you and your troubled childhood. 

But..But..But..the discussion of today is not about manan. But its about those lines which I found on page 61 of this tiny one. They were..

The thought of making them like others. Taking about festivals, constipation and problem with plumbing its better to be at a distance, "Like a parallel line." 

And it hit the spot. I felt the pang. It reinforced my idea of "Unfulfilled love is the most romantic love." I was speechless. And when I cannot say anything I sob. 

Have I again encountered myself? Am I again standing with a unanswered question? 

The question of - What should be chosen between a normal relationship and an unfulfilled romantic fling that keeps you wanting whole of your life?

A normal relationship that demands sacrifice, responsibilities, blame, mental torture, taken for granted attitude and probably less or no sex. Or one in which the allure of the non achievable sustains. As it gets older it gets tastier like wine and not spoiled like broth. After years and years also you feel heart thumping when you that photo of your together. When you meet them accidentally. You lust for the greener grass on the other side. The idea itself of that person sitting in your close proximity rushes all your liquids downstairs. How romantic and uncontrollable urge you face when you so want to hug that person and you just can't. 

I will never find this ans, or may be I don't want the answer. I fear. I fear what if answer is something different from what I thought. I will prefer bliss of ignorance. 

I know many of you will disagree with me..that "getting settled" philosophy. But its not a debate. Its the way someone want to be treated. If you can treat your half with same respect and love that you felt for them on the first day of your meeting, on the day you proposed them, on the day you married them or on the day when you first time lied naked with them, you surely can live together. Not ending like parallel lines. 

But if not... I guess their is no harm in staying unsatiated. 

To Be Truthful Is To Be Human

The first cell with a nucleus originated around 2100 million of years ago. This phenomenon marked the beginning of Evolution process. From Eukaryotes to vertebrate, to mammals and finally to Humans, we developed and not just developed but we also adapted, acclimatized, survived and made it till here. But what about others who were not fated to be humans…yes the animas! What happened to them? How they developed and finally what made them different from us?

Therefore the important question which should be asked appropriately now is that “What differentiate us from animals?” Is it the sophistication that as humans have, or something else?

To get this we looked into animal cognition and according to Hume’s views “It is hard to assess what happens in animal minds, since we cannot directly perceive their thoughts. We must base inferences concerning animal cognitive capacities on perceptions of animal behavior, whereas, with respect to humans, we can also lean on introspection.”

Kant’s views said that “Human mind consist of three faculties – sensibility (faculty of representation), understanding (faculty of conceptual understanding), and reason (faculty of interference). Animals have just the sensibility.

These abilities of human to represent, understanding and reason combined together leads to the ability of distinguishing between truth and lie.

But to understand what “truth” (a relative concept) is one should understand the logic, biology, chemistry and philosophy behind the opposite of it, which is lie.

In the course of evolution when humans developed from early cave man to present, we underwent many transformations and changes. These changes helped our race to survive. Among those many changes that we learnt in the course of time one was to “lie.”

To put things in perspective let us take an example. Statistics suggest that lying tendency of humans is not something that they develop after certain age but this tendency is seen in us from an early age of 3 months. A baby begins to cry when he wants something from his mother but as soon he gets that thing he stops crying. This action of baby is not the true crying but it’s a lie for which emotional mother falls. Now as we grow old the frequency and scale of lying exponentially increases. Lies creeps into every facets of our daily life. Kid lies to the mother, husband lies to the wife, teacher lies to the students, leaders lies to their followers and this is how we as human are growing.

The other side of the story is still left to be told, as few among us can still listen to the heart and take decisions keeping conscious alive. The word in which they believe is “truth”. Truth and they prefer to walk hand in hand. They stick to the standards and follow what is truth and only truth. Harder to find and mostly are the ones who have faced many hardships in life. After all “if you cannot give bitter pill sugar coat it” but unfortunately these people are bad at this also. For them truth stands as it should.

The third category include the ones which are somewhere in middle of the above two extremes. They do not lie but they say “half truth”. Let me give an example here – imagine a doctor who works in a geriatric hospital. When asked by the worried family members about the heath of their loved ones, they never tell them a compete truth or I must say that “bitter tablet is sugar coated” by them.

Which were the ones which made it in “survival of the fittest” race from the above categories? The answer is all. We as humans survived this race using all techniques that nature taught us. We learned them mastered them and even improvised them.

Correctly said “to be truthful is to be human” but again “human are not always truthful”.

“I guess sometimes you have to lie to find the truth.” 

― Scott Westerfeld

PLANET AMERICA

Down in the mall, between the fast food joint and the bagel shop, a group of young people huddle in a flurry of baggy combat pants, skateboards and slang. They size up a woman teetering past wearing DKNY, carrying Time magazine in one hand and a latte in the other. She brushes past a guy in a Yankees baseball cap who is talking on his Motorola cell phone about the Martin Scorsese film he saw last night.

It’s a standard American scene – only this isn’t America, its Britain. U.S. culture is so pervasive, the scene could be part of any of the dozens city. Budapest or Berlin, if not Bogota or Bordeaux. Even Delhi or Mumbai. As the rivaled global superpower, Aerica exports its culture on an unprecedented scale… Sometimes (in fact all the times), U.S. ideals get transmitted - such as individual rights, freedom of speech and respect for women- and local cultures are enriched. At other times, materialism or worse become the message and local traditions get crushed.

“Today, globalization often wears Mickey Mouse ears, eat Big Macs, drinks Coke or Pepsi, and does its computing( with Microsoft) windows (software),” says Thomas Friedman, in his book The Lexus and the Olive Tree. Critics worry that under such “MacDomination” countries around the globe are losing their individuality under cultural identities. Teens in India watch MTV and ask their parents for more westernized clothes( or no clothes...thanks to Miley Cyrus and her twerking performances) and other symbol of American pop culture and values. Grandmothers in small European villas no longer spend each morning visiting local meat shops, or bakeries, to gather the ingredients for supper. Instead, they now shop at Wal- mart superstores. Women in Saudi Arabia see American filmsand question their societal roles. In China, most people never drank coffee before Starbucks entered the markets (same is in India… now drinking coffee is status symbol from these fancy coffee shops). Now, Chinese consumers rush to Starbucks stores “because it’s a symbol of new kind of lifestyle.” Similarly in China, where McDonald’s operates 80 restaurants in Beijing alone, nearly half of all children identify the chain as domestic brand.( courtesy Philip Kotler)

When India opened itself for outside world in 1991 every Indian was filled with mixed feelings. Everybody wondered “is the decision right or wrong”. Time passed and so did the apprehensions but the debate about opening an economy to others still remained same. Before writing this post I was the part of lot that believes that globalization is good for an economy “in every respect”. But I was partially wrong. Not in every respect. It’s like a two way sword. Today not only India but every country is suffering from a cultural impact. More or less its America followed by other countries. Thus leaving us not a true breed but somewhat a mix of different cultures. We are that bad that neither we can take up our cultures truly neither we can completely get Americanized. So here we are standing all lost with no identities and no individualities.

  

Either it is drinks to food to movies to electronics to fashion to knowledge its “Americanized”. I at times wonder that as a marketer what would be the reality. We are living in a fake world which is made up by superpowers (not God here of course). But what if we reverse and delete all this. I guess we will be doomed. Thus globalization (or better call it “Americanization”) is a two way street. If globalization has Mickey Mouse ears, it is also wearing a French beret, talking on apple cell phone, using Indian software, buying furniture at IKEA, driving a Toyota Camry, and watching a Sony big screen plasma TV. 

EINFACH...

Dear Brain,

I know this is not my first letter to you but this letter is different. I was wondering from where to start and how to put all what I want to say in words. Its not simple. Its really not. Its like explaining to friends the reason for tears in eyes when something somewhere suddenly reminds you of that "one". You know what is your problem, you are too direct and you are too rational. And not to forget that being a brain you play "mind games" with me.

Your control over me is so predominant. I become that lover who longs to talk to his lover. But when the call comes he hung up saying that "I am very busy." Why you play so complex games? Why I cannot say what I like? Why I cannot do what I want? Even if I do something which I like you release those chemicals which make me nervous thus eventually making me feel that I made a mistake. I have few complains :-

WHY YOU ALWAYS WANT AN ANSWER?

Brain Brain Brain.... I feel that certain things are beautiful in this world because they are unexplored. They are so pure so untouched. Seeking answers to every question destroy the beauty of anonymous. I think, I know your problem. You can't feel anything, isn't it? You can't feel the joy of that child that he feels when he sees birds for the first time and he wonders "wings...fly..up and up". You cannot feel the joy of that little child that she feels when she sees butterflies sitting on flowers, she keeps wondering who is more beautiful - flower or the butterfly. I am amazed what fun you get when you tell people that "Hello people you are not in "LOVE" but you are just experiencing the rush of high volume of endorphin(s) and hormones." Why cant you let just people believe that "happily ever after" exist? Anyways please stop your "I want all the answers" behavior. Its seriously hurting our relationship.

WHY YOU CAN'T TRUST ME?

Dude see... I know that I am like an untamed horse but trust me this habit of yours of not trusting me makes me more mad. To a person to whom you always say that "you are an idiot" will eventually turn out to be one. So therefore my dear brain have little pity on me and start trusting me. At times I feel... how does it matter that you trust me or not. Anyways you are always going to create a fiasco over my decisions. We are so different and yet look the maker of ours has put us so close. You know what I had an inclination towards a friend of yours because he understood me, he never abused me, he always made sure that my happiness became his priority. But what happened you came and you said "you can't do that, where is your promise that you made to me? Where is that love for me?" Again these unanswered questions made me guilty and see... you are happy. Now I am with you but you cant trust me. Trusting is simple.. v simple either you do or you don't. Kindly don't make my life hell by playing these mind games with me.

YOU MEASURE/COUNT/WEIGH

I don't know what is your problem but trust me... not just me but every heart hates you this habit of measuring. You quantify everything. How can you? Zillions of emotions, millions of moments which neither can be measured nor they have a valid logic behind them.  

So at last I just want to say that... we are not same and I am saying that we should be same. You are very important but please let people have access to me as well. Please don't interfere when they are talking to me. Please don't ask them to find any logic in every decisions of life.
Can you please keep it simple (Einfach)

Regards & Love,

HEART 

WIFE...

With heavy heart and wet eyes,

I was making myself ready for an anonymous paradise.

Who reside there, what are they made off,

I had no clue.

So I put on an unused grin 

from the box of your memories.

I am sold,

I am a wife.

I got a man beside me, 

So now I have got a life.

I heard my husband completely,

and soaked all his words gently,

But his words were harsh,

which teared my soul apart.

He touched me were you touched,

I was numb, I felt nothing. 

Bare in front of him I laid, 

with my eyes closed,

on the floor dismayed.

I bleeded the colorless blood,

like soundless cries of slut.

He never noticed my bleeding wounds,

never soothed my aching soul,

never touched me like you touched,

but prayers for him I always enchanted.

Oh!! But this was not the end,

as God had more to send,

I saw you in the church. 

Dressed in manly black,

eyes glittering like diamond,

and smile without a slack.

You walked towards me,

with your head held high.

Butterflies in my belly,

I started to feel shy.

Aghast, you held my hand,

I turned blue and couldn't stand.

"You forgot me" you whispered,

tears swirled down my cheek,

blinking and dabbing my eyes,

I said " Thank you for returning"

"Leave him... come with me" you said.

"Leave me, let me die" saying this,

I started to cry.

You held me in your arms,

wiped my tears and got alarmed. 

"You are cold and weak,

depressed and tweaked.

Come with me,

I am here to buy you back.

Now I am rich,

Hold me tight and I will take you to my paradise"

Your words were pure,

and yes you loved me sure.

But,

Now I am leaving,

tell my husband, to whom I was sold, that-

I will still hear him completely,

soaking his every word gently.

Wife 

CLING...

I swear , I was not going to write for at least another few days but then this mind never tends to stop thinking and interpreting. So here goes my next post to all existing  "aashiq (s)" "majnu(s)" and  beautiful "laila(s)". I was going to sleep but then all of a sudden from no where this song started to play in mind

"Kitne Bhi tum karlo sitam, has has k sahenge hum.

 Ye pyar na hoga kum, sanam teri kasam..."

And you know thoughts, they just need an excuse to go wild. Well the song is well defined explanation of the term we management students study in HR, "Escalation of Commitment". Google define this term as - "escalation of commitment or "commitment bias" is a term frequently used in psychology and sociology to refer to a situation in which people can make irrational decisions based upon rational decisions in the past or to justify actions already taken."  As this song said "jitne bhi tum karlo sitam"... i mean "bade besharam kism k insan hai aap ki itne sitam aur julm sehne k bad bhi wahi k wahi hai.. ye pyar nahi huzoor ye bewakoofi hai"

Well to explain to in a more better way here is an example-

There was a girl ( ya so obvious) and there was boy ( ya you know this too) and they fall in love ( wow really!!!) and then after years and years of pains which they gave to each other they finally decided to separate ("break-up" in local language) . But every time they decide to move apart they use to think-

Boy - " Man.. i gave my one- fourth life time to this idiot hoping that one day she will turn into a real "girl" and now if i leave her and go to other with whom i have to begin from starting...its hell!!! better stay with one"

Hindi version for desi people - " sala itna khoon pee liya is lady dracula ne ki ab to lagta hai aur kisi k layak      rha he nahi, aur bhagwan na kare agar nayi wali bhi "super-duper-upar chudail" nikali toh..." :( 

Girl - "Ohh God... Sob Sob Sob.. who else will buy me such expensive gifts..Sob Sob Sob... who will get my recharge done..Sob Sob Sob!!! "

Hindi version - "Subak subak meri shopping... subak subak... mere recharge.... subak subak mere liye ladai... subak subak itni achi naukri k sath itna bewakoof admi... and agar naya wala "dominating hua too.. naa baaba naaa... subak subak"

So these trail of thoughts lead them atlast to "cling" together. No where in this whole process the secretion of adrenalin, dopamine and serotonine takes place which gives rise to increased heart beat ( dil dhak dhak karne lga), drying of mouth, less hunger or sleep( mujhe neend na aye) . In simple language people its NOT LOVE its just "clinging".

No discouragement to people who believe in "true love" concept (well i am too part of that of that lot) but some times it becomes necessary to realize that the person with whom we are "deserve" us or not ( trust me guys this "deserve" word is very lethal use at your own risk). Be with the person who want to be with you not with whom you want to be with... and if you luckily belong to remaining ones then you both might end up wanting each other.

It not only happens in relationships it can be a case with your job, with your friends etc. Few among us are lucky in the sense that in their life some "guardian angels" exist which always now and then make them aware of the pit fall they are moving towards. But for others who are on their own try to find a way out as life without peace of mind is one big s***t.

So I am ending this post with the lines again that are now playing in  my mind and in my you tube also-

"Koi na koi chahiye pyar karne wala( ya wali)...

koi na koi chahiye humpe marne wala( ya wali... conditions apply)

ROFL... :D :D